Normal? Never
by DearOne
Summary: The changes in Buffy, since Sunnydale's last battle, allowed her to be happy. But what will happen if her return to the City of Angels brought back memories, feelings, and a certain someone she had long lost?Setting: BtVS!Post Chosen AtS!Season 5
1. Let's Start a New Day

**Disclaimer:** Joss and Mutant Enemy, among others who are not me, own _BtVS_ and _AtS_. No infringement intended.  
**Notes:** (1) This is my first fic, so comments, suggestions, and or questions are very much appreciated. (2) Thanks to Amanda E. for giving me the nudge I needed to continue. And big thanks to my beta, Mari, who read, reread, edited and supported me. It made all the difference. (3) This fic was originally posted in yahoo groups in March 2004, but has since been rewritten. (4) Hope you enjoy!

**Part 1: Let's Start a New Day and Take me Back to where we Used to BE**

-NN-

_Don't want you to hold my hand  
Just need you to understand_

A stronger soul is breaking free  
--David Sneddon, _Long Time Coming_

-NN-

_...click..._  
"Boss?"  
_...click..._

...click...  
"Yeah Harm?"  
_...click..._

...click...  
"Buffy is here to see you. I tried to book her an appointment but she claims she doesn't need one. Personally, I don't think there should be any exceptions--I work hard, damn it! I try to keep up a reasonable schedule and—gahh! Hey, quit that! You can't touch—oww! That hurt!"  
_...click..._

...click...  
"Harm?"  
_...click..._

...click...  
"Hello Angel, sorry to drop by unexpectedly but I was in town, so... here I am. And hey, thank God I decided to drop by too! It seems you've been neglecting... um, the side of good, because last time I checked, Harmony? Bad. Why the hell is she here? Wait, don't answer that. I don't even want to know; just can I kill her already?"  
_...click..._

...click...  
"No, wait! I'll be right out."  
_...click..._

-NN-

The last time Angel saw Buffy was when she came to Los Angeles to tell him that she no longer needed the second front.

"Spike saved the world," she stated.

That visit happened a little more than a year ago, but the painstaking, piercing truth still hurt. Angel's ego will never be the same again.

"It had to be Spike," Angel muttered under his breath as he recalled the memory.

Angel shook his head as if to physically rid himself of his brooding thoughts and stood up to make his way to his office door. He wondered what this visit would bring and how he would get through it when he opened the door, in which he did with such force it caused him to lose his footing and stagger back in the process.

_Great job Angel, that's the way to impress the girl; with your super vampiric clumsiness,_ he berated himself. However his thoughts switched gears as he looked up at the sight in front of him.

Buffy was beautiful.

Not to say she wasn't the last time she visited; however, she had worn a tired, thin, and aged expression that told the world she had lost everything. She just about did.

Now, she looked impossibly beautiful. Radiant and perfect. She had put on just enough weight to soften her curves, giving her a healthy appeal.

She was dressed in a loose but clingy midnight blue spaghetti strapped dress that hugged her hips and flowed down to her calves. She wore her hair down letting her golden brown tresses frame her face. But what caught Angel's eye was her smile. He had never seen a vision so beautiful.

Buffy had looked up at the sound of the door opening and caught sight of Angel's obvious stumble. She choked back a laugh that threatened to erupt, cleared her throat, flashed a grin, and greeted her longtime friend, "Angel."

"You're here?" replied Angel, as she walked over and wrapped him in a hug.

The question was all he could get out. He also knew that it sounded more panicked than the more easy going tone he had intended. He offered her a weak smile, hoping for a quick and not too late of a recovery.

"As much as you are," she said, and gently pulled away from the embrace. Not missing the awkward exchange, she turned to pick up her purse, diaper bag and matching car seat that she brought with her.

"So I take it you _are_ going to see Buffy, who was without an appointment and might I add, _threatened_ me, your hardworking secretary," interrupted Harmony.

"Well, uhh... yeah, of course," replied Angel. And then looked over to Buffy again, "come in. Do you want anything? Coffee? Water?"

"No thanks, I'm fine," answered Buffy, as she stepped into his office.

Angel watched her as she moved, taking in the sight that is Buffy, and that was when he noticed she wasn't alone.

"Harm?"

"Yes Boss?"

"Clear out my schedule for the day."

-NN-

TBC... 


	2. Breaking Up and Coming Back Whole

**Part 2: Breaking Up and Coming Back Whole**

-NN-

_I found strength inside me I never knew  
While he was holding me  
While he was showing me how it's suppose to be  
While you were gone  
Learned a lesson  
Learned how to get along  
Learned how to be strong  
Learned how to love myself  
While you were gone…_  
--Kelly Price, _While You Were Gone_

-NN-

As Buffy walked into Angel's office, she felt an uneasy chill go up her spine. It was like walking into a sterile, but posh hospital room, minus the bed.

The room was devoid of any scrap of character. The walls were painted a color an interior decorator probably picked out from a magazine to match the awkward bulky furniture. Nondescript items lay neatly on the desk top. A few file folders were placed off to the side, one laid open. Buffy glanced at the file's pages; they were to far away to read, but she noted the familiar loops and curls of Angel's almost girlish handwriting. Buffy smiled to herself at how easy it was to remember such little details about Angel.

She knew Angel was watching. She could feel his heavy gaze at her back. The room was too quiet, but she didn't want to break the silence just yet. Her eyes continued to wander the room in search of _something_. But she couldn't place what she was looking for. The place was lifeless and fake. Even the trash can that was filled with crumpled pieces of paper seemed forged to make you think it held something real.

The only sign that made it Angel's office was an elaborate and extensive collection of weapons covering a wall.

_Am I just noticing this now?_ thought Buffy.

She placed the car seat on the coffee table and threw her purse and diaper bag onto the couch just behind it.

She remained silent letting her mind take her to lost moments of the past. Moments when she was just a girl, in love with a man, and too naïve to realize there is so much more to love than what she shared with Angel.

Now, she knows better. Thanks to another, she found what few people find. She was able to touch and feel real love, a love that dulls everything else in comparison.

The click of the door jarred her away from her thoughts and back into reality. Turning to face him and smiling a smile that can only come from a proud mother about to introduce her bundle of joy, Buffy announced, "Angel, I want you to meet my son," she moved out of the way to reveal her son lying asleep in a car seat decorated with ducks and sailboats. Watching him slowly walk up to her and her baby, she continued, "his name is William Alexander. Giles dubbed him as Alex for short; however, Xander, Willow and I, like to call him Will."

She waited and watched Angel's expression go from utter shock, to surprise, to thoughtful repose, and back to shock again. Amazingly, Buffy distinguished the expressions. It's a wonder, as all looked similar, and not at all different from his usual broody expression which seemed to never leave his face.

"You... You have a… son?" Angel said in amazement once his shock subsided.

"He's just about half a year old now."

With his eyes still locked on Alex's sleeping form he didn't know what to say but what was evident, "he's beautiful."

Angel whispered the words so quietly; Buffy almost thought that nothing was said at all.

In contrast, Angel could hear nothing but the questions and thoughts yelling in head to be voiced, _she did it. She moved on. She got her family. Just like I thought she would. Just what I wanted for her: a life, a normal life. Why am I not happy then? Shouldn't I feel happy?_

"Yes he is, isn't he?" said Buffy, smiling.

"Do you want to take a seat?" asked Angel. "I think I'm going to need to," he sat down not waiting for her reply. "Where's his father?" he asked, not yet wanting to deal with _who_ was the father in question.

"He's not here. Well, he is, but not physically," she said evenly, while she looked at her son.

"You mean you are raising him all on your own," Angel stated flatly.

"Well, yeah, but it's not like he's missing out on being loved. Sure he hasn't known his real father's love, but he does have Giles, Xander--"

Angel, getting agitated with the realization Buffy was alone couldn't hold back any longer, "geez Buffy, how could you let him leave you with a baby? Is he at least helping you out financially? Don't tell me you let him off Scot-free. I swear if he walked out on you, I'll hunt him down and—"

"What? You'll kill him?" Buffy questioned. Then, as if said in defeat, "you can't," she said softly. Too softly. And then even softer still, "he's not to blame. He doesn't know. He's not even alive."

That had stopped Angel dead in his tracks, _shit._ Angel cleared his throat, not knowing how to continue, then, "I'm sorry Buffy... I don't know what to... Look, if you need—"

"I don't…" Buffy put her hand in the air stopping him before he was able to finish. "I don't need anything from you. I'm not your responsibility," she said. Walking over to her purse, Buffy pulled out a thick envelope. "That's why I'm here actually, to tell you that, and to give this back," she said, and placed the envelope onto the table.

Angel stared at Buffy's face quizzically and then slid his gaze to the envelope lying on the table. "Give what back?" Angel asked, amused.

"The money you sent. I can't… I won't accept it. I have a job, a great one actually. Giles and—"

"Wait. I didn't send you any money," Angel interrupted, with confusion written all over his face.

"Then who did? It's addressed from Wolfram and Hart. And I know the money didn't mail itself."

-NN-

Somewhere, in the city of Los Angeles, a rogue vampire prowled the streets…

TBC...


	3. Scent of a Vampire

**Part 3: Scent of a Vampire**

-NN-

Somewhere, in the city of LA, a rogue vampire prowled the streets. The Big Bad. Those who knew him, humans and demons alike, dared not speak his name. If they did, if they had the balls to do just that, it was said in nothing but a mere whisper: _"Spike."_

It was all a facade. And he knew it.

Humans didn't fear him, they looked up to him. Demons didn't whisper his name out of fear; instead, they hissed his name in spite. However, some demons, the smart demons, feared him. He is Spike after all.

Like every night these days, Spike was found wandering the streets. He was hoping, waiting, and searching for the chance to kill, one that would allow him to forget everything, in other words, Buffy.

But to forget is to remember. Spike would like to think that he was fighting for the helpless because that is what Buffy would have wanted. But his wishful thinking was not completely real, not necessarily, as the truth is: he simply changed.

-NN-

Though a changed vampire, his feelings for Buffy remained constant.

On nights when he's alone the feelings grow stronger. They creep into his heart and he's done for.

Everything, everywhere, and everyone becomes a reminder of Buffy; his world, his love, his life.

Spike turned a corner and was faced with a window. Looking in, he scrutinized over the mannequins dressed in suits, evening gowns, casual wear, and bathing suits. It was too soon that he got lost in thought, _The blue blazer or the peach? Would she color coordinate? Mix? Match? Wear the exact same shade all the way through? No, mix n' match it is. Not the green. Definitely not the pink. The soft golden tan and crisp white underneath? Maybe. No on the skirt. Slacks? She'd wear that._ After seemingly making an appropriate decision, he moved onto a different category and continued his torment.

Looking at the selection of featured swimsuits, he'd go into a full on debate, as if choosing what Buffy would wear was the most important decision a man could make. He ended up with the conclusion that she wouldn't pick any of the ones the mannequins were sporting. She wouldn't go for the skimpy string bikinis in red, fuchsia, or the floral prints. No, none of that. Buffy would wear a simple black one piece suit and still stop everybody at the whole damned beach dead in their tracks.

A grin had made its way and tugged at the corner of his lips. His thoughts were forever expanding on his visualization of his one and only.

Clothes were just one thing, places were another.

Restaurants, Cineplex's, parks, bars, and clubs— all were considered and critiqued in his mind. And once a place met his standards it was added to a mental list of possible places he could take her to.

_But not yet. That's right! I'm a vampire with a plan!_

Looking around at the people milling about in the streets, he returned to his thoughts of nothing other than Buffy. Would she be annoyed if he took her to McDonalds? Would she laugh if he took her to a black tie restaurant? Would she smile if he took her to a drive-in?

Men became possible threats. What if one day she happened to meet that beefy guy over there? How about that lanky red haired guy or that businessman taking a bite to eat? Would that blond guy make her laugh? Would she love him for it?

At that thought, he knew he was gone; his grin grew into a full smile and a chuckle rumbled low in his throat, "there you have it. I continue to be love's bitch."

He was about to turn into another alleyway when he heard an ear splitting scream. "Right then," he said, and took off running.

-NN-

Back at Wolfram and Hart, dripping in green demon goop, Spike stormed into Angel's office.

Angel looked up from his spot behind his desk when he sensed Spike, and even more so, smelled the scent that was coming off of him. "Spike! What the hell!? What is that crap and that… that smell?"

"Pefoul demon, nasty little buggers," Spike replied. "Whole nest of 'em. Listen, I--"

Spike turned around forgetting what he was about to say, as he picked up a familiar scent.

"Guts must be screwing with my senses..." he said, and then as if to physically rid himself of the feeling, he shook his head. _Couldn't be. Could it?_ he thought.

"It's Buffy," Angel explained. "She's back… and with company."

Spike's jaw dropped as Angel confirmed his thoughts. "Where?"

"She just left to the rest room and to finish up on the phone. Xander called."

Spike, pacing now, couldn't get a grip. _Not yet, not yet, not till I've fully executed The Plan, as planned!_ As he turned for what must be the fiftieth time he noticed something that shouldn't be there.

"What the bloody hell is this?!!" he gestured to the empty car seat.

"It's a uh… maybe you should sit down," said Angel, then looking at Spike's torn attire, and the disheveled and goopy state he was in, Angel reconsidered, "or better yet uhh… you should just keep standing."

Angel thought how he should phrase the news, for all he knew, Spike would drop dead at the news and he really didn't want to call in for the cleaners, much less revive the vampire, especially with the recent addition of Pefoul stench and guts.

Angel leaned back and rested his head onto his seat's leather cushion, and considered the situation. And found he almost enjoyed the look of anticipation on Spike's face. He took a breath and let out a sigh. After contemplating his words, he ended up just blurted it out, "turns out Buffy had a baby."

_No._

Angel didn't know what else to say, but wanting to fill the silence, he started spilling out bits and pieces of information he just found out earlier that day.

"She had him about five or six months ago. She named him... okay actually I didn't catch his whole name, since I was umm...still recuperating, but she called him Alex. Named after Xander, I suppose. When she was on her cell, Xander referred to him as Will, I think. So, after Willow? Anyway..."

_What? Xander?_ Spike couldn't listen. His mind was too busy reeling.

"…actually pretty cute. I didn't see him awake yet, just when he woke up to cry... She said he's recovering from an ear infection and was tired from the trip..."

_She did it, she actually did it. She moved on._

"...I mean, I thought she was still cookie dough or at least still baking..."

_I screwed up. Shouldn't have waited so bloody long..._ at that thought, he felt her, the tingling sensation, and the warmth he felt whenever she was near. Moments later he heard the soft even taps of her heels against the marble floor. Not being able to move from his spot, he looked over at Angel.

"The elevator, that's your only way out."

Spike, not comprehending for a moment, remained grounded, till he heard the door knob twisting. Then he was gone, he hopped into the elevator and waited for the doors to close and conceal him.

Buffy walked into the office carrying Alex, who was newly diapered, just fed, and asleep once again.  
She didn't miss the scent of the Pefoul demon that had more than lingered in the air, nor did she fail to see the sliver of black between the closing elevator doors.

"Who's that?" she asked.

"Who? What?"

"I thought I saw…"

"Oh it's… umm… Pefoul demon." Angel offered.

"A Pefoul demon wearing black leather?"

"Yeah, turns out he was…lost. He came in looking for someone… when he didn't find who he was looking for… he released a gas. That is what you uh…smell. Then he just darted for the elevator. It was quite weird, actually." Angel couldn't believe it. He was actually trying to cover for Spike.

Buffy knew it was a lie of course. Not only was Angel a horrible liar, but something was just out of place. She could feel it.

_It couldn't be him, could it?_ She ignored the growing sensation; the hairs at the back of her neck standing on end, the tingling nerves, the warmth— all telling her that _he's_ close. She knew she couldn't allow herself to believe that it was him. She knew it wouldn't have been possible. _Could it?_ she thought to herself.

She looked at Angel standing awkwardly in front of her. "Pefoul demon, huh."

"Yeah, Pefoul demon. They're hairy, smelly... things, and umm huge with horns all over..." Angel explained, while waving a hand in the air, not knowing a thing he was saying.

"Riight." Buffy said while putting Alex in his car seat. "Xander is coming to pick us up. Turns out my dad's out of town. I guess he didn't get my message that I was coming. Anyway, we'll just get a hotel room."

"You don't need to do that."

-NN-

Spike, who was listening behind the closed doors of the elevator, remained still. His mind; however, was racing with a million questions. The question ahead in the race was who was the father? And that's when he heard her, _"Xander?... WE?... A hotel room?!"_ and because he was Spike, he went ahead and jumped to his own conclusions. _I'm gonna beat the shit…_

The ding of the elevator tore him away from his inner rant. The doors were opening. Confused, he looked around and finally noticed his fist. _Bloody fucking hell. When the fuck did I do that? Fuck!_ He had smashed his fist against the elevator wall, destroying buttons in the process, which caused the malfunction. _Well, shit._

-NN-

Buffy turned around at the sound of the elevator, but from where she stood she couldn't see inside it. Curious, she started walking towards the elevator.

Angel, not knowing what to do to get her attention, yelped, "Spike!"

Spike pressed himself against the wall. _Great, just like the poofter to out me._

Buffy reeled her head around and looked at Angel, "What did you say?"

"Uh…SPIKES…Pefoul demons have spikes too...before the doors closed I think I saw him shoot 'em out... probably all over the ELEVATOR WALL, so you shouldn't go in. It's dangerous stuff," he kept his eyes trained on Buffy, checking to see if by any miracle that she was buying it, "Demon probably thought it would be funny… to damage my elevator."

_What the hell are you trying to do Angel? Scare her? Not likely, you nit, she's the bloody Slay--_Then finally, he picked up on the hint— "_elevator, wall._" He located the button. In a split second he tumbled into a room and watched the wall quickly slide back into place, concealing him once again.

Buffy turned to look at the elevator again. With an eerie feeling she went to see what was inside. And found the elevator to be empty.

She glanced over at Angel and then stepped in. Some buttons were busted due to a gaping hole. Everything else looked perfectly normal. She was about to step out, but something glistening caught her eye. _What the…drying green goop? And? Yes. Blood._

TBC... 


	4. Still Standing

**Part 4: Still Standing**

-NN-

_Unexpected, what you did to my heart  
When I lost hope  
You were there to remind me  
This is the start_

Now here we stand  
Unafraid of the future  
--Richard Marx & Donna Lewis, _At the Beginning_

-NN-

Buffy ran her finger along the blood that had smeared on the panel of the elevator. Her slayer sense picked up on the familiar scent.

_But it can't be, he's gone._

The doubts clouded her thoughts; however, deep down inside her, she _knew_ the blood she was rubbing between her fingers had once coursed through her lover's body.

The scent of his blood grew stronger and assailed her senses. She closed her eyes. The doubts seemed to fade all at once.

"Spike."

It had been a long time since she last allowed herself to hope that there was a possibility that Spike somehow survived. She had given up on the idea. She thought that if he were undead he would surely have come back to her.

Looking at the hole and then back at her blood stained fingers, she whispered again, "Spike."

Now, desperate to find him, she started feeling the wall for an opening, a switch, an emergency exit, anything to show her where he went, and why he went. _Why?_

Feeling defeated after not finding a single clue and overwhelmed from the realization, she collapsed. She leaned on the wall for support.

Her mind raced with thoughts, but somehow they led her to the memory of when she last saw him.

-NN-

Spike had heard Buffy anxiously searching the elevator. He placed his hand on the wall and unconsciously started roaming his fingers over the cool, flat surface.

He desperately wanted to touch her. He could almost feel her body, her warmth, her life, through the steel and the plaster that separated them. _Buffy… you are so close, but you can't find me. Not yet, not now._ Closing his eyes and resting his forehead on the surface, he pictured the woman that meant everything to him. He thought of the last time he held her.

-NN-

With the image of Spike staying behind in the collapsing high school, ready to sacrifice himself, Buffy was ready to start searching again. And that was when she noticed something, or rather, she noticed the lack of something. Like all elevators she's been in, this elevator had clearly marked buttons indicating its function; however, there were other buttons that were unmarked, which set them different from the rest.

Intrigued, she shifted her weight back onto her feet and fingered the silver nondescript buttons. Some buttons were missing due to the gaping hole, but she didn't let that discourage her. Letting instinct take over she continued to finger each of the buttons till she landed on the last. She pressed it without thinking twice.

-NN-

Spike was about to give in. The feeling of her so close was just too intense. The only thing holding him back now was the idea that maybe she really did move on. _Aren't I a better man now? Wouldn't a better man let her go? She's happier now. Isn't she?_

Caught up in his thoughts, he had no idea that the wall had receded. He felt a softness replace the hard surface that his open hand was pressing against. He felt small, delicate, but strong fingers intertwine around his own. Keeping his eyes closed he tightened his grip around the hand that was firmly clasped in his. Without thinking, he whispered the name that never left his heart, mind, and soul, "Buffy."

He slowly opened his eyes, silently wishing that it was only a dream but even more so, he was willing it to be real.

His will won.

He stood there, not moving, not saying a word, and soaked in the sight of Buffy.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and she was standing in all her glory in front of him. He thought she never looked as beautiful as she did at that moment.

"Spike," she whispered back. She threw her arms around him and held on. "You're… here. I knew…I knew you were alive…I felt it…felt you. I just didn't know. Please...Please..." it was all she managed to say before her sobs overtook her.

Wrapping his arms around her, he returned her sweet embrace that could break any other man's back. "Shh... Love. No more tears. I'm here," he whispered, not knowing that his own tears were welling at the corners of his own eyes. _How could I have waited so long? Stupid plan. Fuck the fucking plan._ His inhibitions melted away as he felt the sure weight of her arms tighten around him.

After her sobs started to calm to whimpering sighs and hiccups, the question of how he was there, solid in front of her didn't seem important.

The only question she needed an answer to was _why_ he didn't tell her. She lifted her head to look into the depths of his eyes. "Don't leave. Please. I want—need… I don't know what I would do if…" She dreamed of this. And she thought of this moment a million times before, where they were given a chance to say everything that wasn't said. But now that he really was there standing before her, she couldn't remember any of those perfect, scripted lines. She was at a loss for words. "Just tell me you still--"

"Buffy--"

"I know. I'm babbling…" She couldn't believe what she was saying. Never had she imagined she would have a second chance, and now that it was here, she didn't want to hold anything back, "but If I lose--"

"Buffy, listen. Nothing... Not in this world. Or not in any other world… Nothing, could change how I feel about you. I love you," he said as he took hold of her shoulders.

"Then why--"

"I'm a fucking idiot, that's why," he stated. Unconsciously, he tilted his head and wondered just how much he messed things up by not telling her.

Buffy bit her lower lip. "Well… that's old news," she smiled.

Confused for a moment and then upon gathering his wits, Spike chuckled at how the situation was made light.

He moved a stray hair from Buffy's face, placed it behind her ear, and then cupped her cheek in his palm. "I never meant to take so long, luv. I thought... I planned it out. I did. Everything. Wanted to be something when I return to you. Wanted to become someone who deserves you. Someone who would be able to help you, support you, _love_ you properly..."

"Spike," she said, and mimicked his movements from earlier, but instead of cupping his cheek, she gently wiped away a tear with her thumb. "You already do, more than you know. I love you... I do" Pressing a finger to his lips to keep him from interrupting, she continued telling him what he meant to her. "I mean it, everything. I know it now." She wondered briefly on whether or not he remembered everything that happened the last time they saw each other. "Maybe even then... I knew it," letting everything she felt get transformed into words that can only say the very least of what was inside of her, she told him. She loved the person, the vampire standing in front of her. It never felt so easy to say the things she wanted to say, but she had no idea how she can make him understand.

"Buffy, I..." He pressed his forehead to hers. "Your eyes had told me so."

She let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding, and smiled. He remembered.

Spike tilted his head to meet her lips with his own. He kissed her lightly. At first it was nothing more than a press of lips but slowly the kiss deepened. The touch of lips, the slide of tongues, the scrape of teeth—everything-- was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Familiar, for it was like the other kisses they've shared: it was needy, desperate, and passionate. And unfamiliar, in that it was the first time they kissed with nothing separating them. With their feelings out in the open, they didn't hold back. And for Spike and Buffy, that was what they needed, that was what made the kiss perfect.

The kiss reminded them both of everything they missed and a preview of what was to come.

"Hey," she said gently, as she pulled away for air, "promise me something?"

At the slight tilt of his head, she cleared her throat.

"If you decide to make up a plan where I'm involved, promise me you'll check with me first."

He chuckled and replied, "sure, Pet. Promise." He moved his hand to take hers which was busy playing with the soft hairs at the back of his neck, and he brought it between them to kiss her hand. "I missed you, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know," she said matter-of-factly, smiling and letting only her eyes return the sentiment. Then, grinning from ear to ear, she stepped back into the elevator and pulled him along. "Come on, I want you to meet someone," she said.

At first, he didn't think anything of the statement, but then it donned on him who she was referring to. The thousands of unanswered questions began to swirl in his mind again. _The baby. Xander. Maybe…maybe it was a mistake. I just heard wrong. Wrong. Xander couldn't possibly… He's a good bloke, there's no doubt. Not for a long time. When did that happen? But the baby… Xander and Buffy together? Not when I'm around._ He made an abrupt stop, causing Buffy to stagger. He looked at her sheepishly and explained, "I uhh... I just remembered. Not dressed for the occasion. I should take a shower and change first."

Stunned, she thought, _Since when does he care what other people think of his appearance? If you ask me he looks sexy with his not quite blue, but bluer than blue eyes. And his well defined cheekbones, his oh so luscious bitable lips, and don't even get me started on his body which is shaped to absolute perfection. He's sexy without even thinking about it, okay sometimes he does think about it, anyone who looked that good would. He's even sexy-- beautiful even-- when he wakes up with his tousled soft blond hair… wait, where's the blonde hair? Hmm… he let it grow out. I like it. How did I miss that? Okay so, soft dark brown hair that curls around your fingers when you run your hands through it and with that green goop that is about to drip-- wait! Green goop? Dried green goop that is caked all over him— oh,_ she reconsidered at that thought. "You're right, you should do that," she said. Giving him a smile and squeezing his hand before she let go, she told him to hurry back. _There is no way I'm going to let that goop near Alex._

"Be back before the Poofter asks 'what the hell happened?'" Spike said, grinning. He then gave her a kiss on the cheek, and left.

TBC... 


	5. Plan C

**Part 5: Plan C**

-NN-

_It's time to let you know.  
Time to let you know.  
Time to sit here and say:_

We are the lucky ones, dear…  
--Bif Naked, _Lucky_

-NN-

Buffy watched as Spike faded into the distance. She had a goofy grin on her face and she didn't care. She gently pressed two fingers against her lips. Remembering, savoring; she closed her eyes for a moment. She breathed in the air around her and opened her eyes. And upon realizing where she was, she cleared her throat.

And just before she stepped out of the elevator, she came to a crashing realization: Angel would have heard everything. This would mean he would have questions and she would have to explain. _Damn._

But the questions didn't come, not yet anyway. Instead what came was a friendly hug.

"Hey, Buffy. It's good to see you again."

"Oh Fred, it's nice to see you too--wow! You look great."

"Aww thanks, you too and might I add, your son is the cutest baby ever!" Fred exclaimed.

"Thanks." Buffy said, grinning. She sneaked a glance at Angel to gauge his face. _hmm, broody...no diff there._ She reached for the diaper bag to pull out some wet knaps to rid herself from any goop that got transferred to her.

"So Fred, how are you doing?"

-NN-

Running to the shower, Spike discarded his clothes along the way, a somewhat difficult task when his mind was running a marathon.

_Buffy._

Here.

Spike had barely ducked into the shower when he ran back out to pull on a pair of pants again. Angel's pants, but he didn't think to care.

_Buffy here._

With a baby.

Xander?!

"Xa— that whelp! Fuck! How could you? You're going to get what's coming to you."

-NN-

Fred was truly amazed with Alex. She leaned over him in his car seat while telling Buffy bits and pieces of what has been going on. The subject veered more towards her latest scientific findings.

Buffy couldn't help but smile, she tried her hardest to understand. But most of it just sounded foreign to her. She nodded and asked questions every now and then when appropriate. Buffy didn't want her to think that she was completely clueless.

"Seems you've been busy..." said Buffy.

"Yeah a lot has happened. So how was-- Oh, he's waking up."

"Really? I think he's getting better. He's been sleeping on and off throughout the day, and the trip we took didn't help his cold any."

Standing over Alex's car seat next to Fred, Buffy whispered, "There's my baby, are you feeling—"

_I know we are… we are the lucky ones, dear.  
We are the lucky ones, dear…_

"Oh I love Bif Naked!" exclaimed Fred.

"And that would be my cell… probably Xander. Angel, can you throw it to me please? It's in my bag... the small pocket... yeah, that's it. Thanks." Buffy glanced at the screen to see who was the incoming call and then pressed a button to answer, "hey."

"Hey... just about to park, still in Angel's office?" Xander asked on the other end.

"Yeah, just come on up. You'll never guess--"

_...click..._

"Hello? Xander, hello?"

"What is it?" Angel asked; his first words since Buffy came out of the elevator.

"I dunno, the connection cut off."

-NN-

"Spike?"

"Well look what we have here. Come to pick up the slayer?" Spike asked.

"You're alive...err undead?" Xander asked, in shock. He was already stepping out of the car when Spike had snapped the phone out of his hands. Once Xander's shock subsided, he added with a grin, "knew we couldn't get rid of you that easily."

"Damn right." Spike exclaimed, giving him a toothy grin which faded just as quickly as it appeared. He looked at Xander and noted the changes. It's been a while since he regarded him this closely.

Xander seemed fit; a bit slimmer, but more muscular than he remembered. Although his attire may pay tribute to his new build. Wearing loose fitting jeans, a snug t-shirt under a blue button down, he looked like he walked out of a photo shoot. His hair was shorter but still long enough to be called shaggy. Of course, he still wore a patch over his eye, but it was no laughing matter. It only reminded him of how much he went through and what he was capable of surviving through, plus he had to admit, Xander could pull it off.

Spike knew that Xander's relaxed and friendly personality and matching appearance can deceive anyone who tried to take advantage of him. Xander wasn't one to underestimate.

He knew he could still take him, there was no question, but there was just too much history between them to actually do him in.

They were never actually friends, but there was a time when they were not enemies. Which is why he knew this had to be handled far differently than he would of handled it with anyone else. Plus there were other people to consider.

"While I'm here I might as well be of some use, eh? You know… help the good. Like the slayer, right?" Spike said with a straight face.

"Riight," Xander answered, cautiously. _What the hell is the matter with him? He didn't go all evil again, did he?_

"Good, first on my list to helping her, is to start with you. I'm going to teach you a bit of what I call... chivalry," Spike replied. Images of Xander and Buffy crept in his mind and he knew he had to deal with it all in some way. And before Xander knew it Spike was within inches of his face. Before he could think, act, Spike landed a blow to his gut. "You should be happy. I'm not even thinking about killing you. Well, it crossed my mind. But not going to, it'll just hurt Buffy more. That defeats the purpose. Looks like it'll just be good old fashioned torture."

"What's your... deal, Spike?" Xander asked, through clenched teeth while gasping for air that he lost from the blow.

But before Spike could answer, Xander got a shot of his own which landed square on Spike's nose. There was no way he was going to just let Spike get a hand up on him without dishing out a couple of blows himself.

"My deal?" Spike asked, while wiping the blood from his nose with the back of his hand. "What's your fucking deal?"

"What? You hit me first!" Xander replied. "Have you lost your nut?"

"Don't play games with me. Don't pretend like you don't know."

"Look Spike, you're going to have to clue me in, 'cuz-"

"How in hell could you father a child, more importantly, Buffy's child, and not do right by her?!" Spike bit out.

"One more time with the what!?" Xander asked, confused.

"You heard me. Don't you fuckin' deny it!" Spike demanded. "Alex, Buffy's baby, you nit. He's yours, isn't he?"

Xander was simply too shocked to say anything.

"I didn't see a bloody ring in any shape or form on that woman's finger. You didn't do right by her. She's Buffy, you don't do that to Buffy." Spike said, almost pleading. "And I'm sure as hell that she wouldn't go and tell another man–me, that she needs me with tears in her eyes, and goes and gives me a kiss that would fucking prove that paradise does exist... not Buffy, not if she wasn't free to do so. She's not someone who would go around cheating–it's not her style. So, means she's taking care of a baby all by her lonesome. How could you not take care of her, like any other man with some sense would? I would of."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm fucking serious! Do you realize what you did?" Spike asked, and without waiting for a reply. "You ruined everything. That's why you have to pay--for hurting her, for--why the fuck are you laughing?"

Xander couldn't help himself. This was just too good. "You... were going to… going to teach me... a lesson in chivalry?" Xander asked in between bouts of laughter and gasps of much needed air, and the pain in his gut from the blow earlier just made him laugh more.  
"You think… you actually think... that... I'm… I'm the father?"

"Well yeah, who else could it be? And stop laughing you git!"

When the laughter finally subsided, he said with perfect clarity and with a seriousness he didn't think he could muster, "I'm not the baby's father Spike."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not. Don't get me wrong though, I would be proud if I was. But I'm not."

"Well okay then, that's… that's good. Now, I don't have to kill you." Spike said, then, "You know what this means right?"

"What?" Xander asked in response. "Hey, wait a minute. Earlier, didn't you say that you decided you weren't going to kill me."

"Oh… well, I may have changed my mind when you started laughing your arse off. But need not worry, as you're not the baby's father," Spike said simply. "Now hear me out before I change my mind. Again." Spike started pacing, and explained, "What it means is is new plan. Someone out there, some wanker out there IS the bloody father and we have to do something about it. We aren't going to talk him into marrying her or any of that, 'cuz I'm NOT going to allow it, besides that would only bring him pleasure, we can't have that, can we? No, we want torture, pain—"

"Umm Spike?"

Spike ignored Xander and continued, "…he's going to pay for what he did, for hurting Buffy, for—"

"Spike?!"

"…he's human so—"

"Spike!!"

"What?! It's a working plan, okay?! I'm trying to think 'ere, what the—"

"Didn't you just promise me: no more plans without checking with me first?" asked Buffy.

Spike was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't realize Buffy was behind him. He did an about face and was nose to nose with a seriously brassed off--grinning Buffy. He glanced at Xander and mouthed, _why the fuck didn't you tell me?_.

Xander shrugged and said, "I did."

Spike glared daggers at him and then looked at Buffy again. "Buffy I…" Spike had lost all the bravado he was sporting earlier and he reverted back to age four; shifting his feet, looking at the ground when he knew he was caught red handed and knew there was no way out. "No, what I promised was that I wouldn't come up with any plans without checking with you first… IF you were involved," he said, trying to recall their exact words. _A long shot but a bloke's gotta try,_ he thought.

"I'm not involved in this new plan of yours?" Buffy asked in reply.

"No," he said, cautiously.

"Didn't I just hear you mention my name?"

"Well, yeah, but…you see it may be about you, but the plan doesn't necessarily involve you. It involves me and well people who are… not you, so therefore, you are not involved."

Buffy only gave him a pointed look that said: _that's bull and you know it._

"So, in other words, you are not a player in said plan," Spike tried. He knew she wouldn't buy it, he wouldn't either.

"I'm not involved," Buffy stated flatly, and then with a raised perfectly defined eyebrow, "I'm not involved if the person I care for is at…stake?"

"How could you care for the wanker who left you high and dry? Without even—"

"How could you blame him if he didn't even know?"

"You mean you didn't tell him?"

"I mean I didn't have the chance to," Buffy said in a clear even voice. And then in a whisper she was sure that only he could hear: "but it's about time he finds out."

-NN-

TBC... 


	6. Come Again?

**Part 6: Come Again?**

-NN-

"Thanks for watching him for me," Buffy said, as she took Alex from Fred's arms.

"No problem, He was such a good boy," Fred replied. And then to the baby, she cood, "Who's the good boy? Are you the good boy? Yes you are, yes you are." Glancing at Buffy and the others, she realized the tension gathering in the room. She cleared her throat and excused herself from the room, "okay there is work to be done, problems to be solved. Beep me if you need me." She smiled and tickled the baby once more before she walked out of the room.

"So are you going to tell me who the father is?" Spike asked, hoping to sound nonchalant.

Turning to face Spike and shifting Alex in her arms so that he was also facing him. "Well, why don't you ask him?"

"You expect him to--"

Then he saw them: two bright blue iridescent orbs looking right back at him.

"Eyes can tell you a lot, and just about anything, don't they?" Buffy asked, smiling as she caught the look of recognition on his face.

Glancing from Buffy to the baby, he was rendered speechless.

"I...I named him William Alexander, It just sorta fit together when I had him," she said. Looking at his now expressionless face, and growing worried, she tried to break the ice because if he didn't say something soon she wouldn't know what to do. "Do you want to hold him? Because it's okay if you do...or if not, that's okay too..."

Spike just couldn't grasp what had been revealed to him, he felt like he was going in slow motion and everyone and everything else around him was going ten times as fast. _Impossible,_ he thought.

At that moment, as if on cue, Alex giggled.

Hearing it, Spike was pulled out of his trancelike state. "He's..." Spike shifted his hands around, not knowing what he should do with them, till he gave up and finally just did what felt natural. He brought his hand up expecting to just touch him-- to make sure what he was seeing in front of him was real and not just a figment of his wild imagination. But Alex had other plans. He grasped and wrapped his fingers around Spike's pointer finger, and held on. Spike looked at Buffy with an amazed smile that reached his eyes. He was giving into the possibility. In the world they lived in, anything could happen after all. He tilted his head and he whispered, "…Mine?" Then with awe and confidence, and more to himself than to the woman in front of him and the intruding spectators lounging about the room, he whispered again, "Mine."

"Yours." Buffy confirmed, returning his smile with a smile of her own, just as genuine.

Glancing from Buffy to Alex and grinning from ear to ear, he let it sink in. "I have a son," the news must have drained him because he found he was getting dizzy and was ready to drop. "I need to sit down." But instead of doing just that, he wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist and scooped both of them up, and started to twirl them around. "I have a son, Buffy," he said letting a chuckle overtake him. "You... you gave me a son." Then lowering his voice to a whisper, "we…he's ours..."

Buffy let out a sigh of relief, letting her nerves calm down, and giggled. She laughed along with Alex, as Spike twirled them around. "Yes, we have a son."

As he put them down, Buffy touched her forehead to his. "I love you," she whispered.

"Oh baby, you have no idea how much I love you." Then looking at Alex again, he whispered in astonishment, "he's…you're my son… William Alexander."

"Okay I think we just about covered that. Now will you let us know what the hell happened?"

Spike swiveled his head to face the speaker, "shut it for just a minute, will you? Don't you see I'm in the middle of something important here?" he said and then added mentally, _"You ponce of a sire."_ Spike looked back at Buffy and held out his arms, "Umm… can—"

"Of course you can." She handed Alex over into Spike's open arms.

"Hey there, Alex… I'm your father." Glancing at Buffy he held out his free hand and took hers, moving them to the couch. He was smiling like an idiot, but he didn't care.

Once seated, Buffy leaned into his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her. "How?" he asked, still baffled.

-NN-

TBC... 


	7. The Old Record Broke, it's Time to Dance

**Part 7: The Old Record Broke, it's Time to Dance to a New Song**

-NN-

"Do you...do you remember the day of the last battle that took place in Sunnydale?" Buffy looked at Spike, who was looking at Alex, who was busy touching Spike's face with his hands.

"Kinda hard to forget, the best day of my entire existence, it was," he said. Pulling her closer and looking into her eyes, he added, "I remember it." Then dipping his head but never breaking eye contact, he merely whispered, "Hell, I dream about it." He raised his hand up to cup her cheek. His emotions were on overtime and he couldn't let slip the moment. He was sitting next to Buffy, his son was sitting on his lap; he let his emotions pour. "I think about it every single waking moment. It's a reel that never stops, pauses, just repeats over and over again in an endless cycle... and each and every time it replays, I get to fall in love with you all over again."

-NN-

-Sunnydale High School, May 22, 2003-

Sunnydale's final and greatest battle to ever take place was only to be remembered by a brave few.

"Welcome to Sunnydale High," Robin Woods announced, and as if leading the others on a field trip, he instructed, "there's no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum chewing. Apart from that, there's only one rule." He stopped walking, and turned to look at the crowd, "If they move, kill them."

After orders, directions, and last minute questions were answered, people started drifting off to their designated positions.

"We have about an hour till Willow's ready." Giles informed the departing crowd.

Buffy joined the group still standing in the hallway: Willow, Xander, Giles. They looked at each other in heavy silence. They knew that yet again, this was it. Buffy broke the ice, "So, what do you guys want to do tomorrow?" she asked in a conversational tone.

"Nothing strenuous," Willow answered with a grin at the corners of her lips. She remembered the morning when the question was first asked so long ago, but still it somehow felt like it was yesterday.

"Well, mini-golf is always the first thing that comes to mind." Xander offered, also remembering.

"I think we can do better than that." Giles added, giving into the feeling of déjà vu.

"I was thinking about shopping, as per usual." Buffy put in.

The four continued in conversation till they met Giles' eyes--letting him know that it was time. In turn, Xander, Willow, and Buffy left to walk down the hall together, an exchange similar to what happened a lifetime ago; the morning after they averted their first Apocalypse.

"The earth is definitely doomed." Giles said to himself looking at the three walking down the empty hall till one by one each passed the other and headed into a separate corridor. He then turned and walked to a corridor of his own.

Buffy, the last one in the main hall finally turned, and was not surprised to see Spike waiting for her. A glance was all it took to say what she was thinking about.

"When I was in school I always wondered what teachers did in the faculty lounge."

"Ever figure it out?"

"Yeah, turns out this is where they go to relax and prepare for their next battle; handling teenagers. Hmmm… kinda like what were doing right now, only we get vampires. I think we got the lesser of the two evils."

Spike smirked at her quip.

Buffy inhaled at the sight. _"God, I missed that."_ She looked into his eyes, reading him. "You know, we're going to win," Buffy said, matter-of-factly.

Spike nodded in reply.

Running her fingers through the soft hair behind his neck, "Spike I want you to know this is not a good bye or anything like that, think of it as a sneak preview of what's to come."

"Best trailer I've ever seen then."

"I love you, Spike" Cupping his cheek, and looking into the depths of his eyes.

"Run that by me again, don't think I heard right."

Pulling him closer, "I… love you. Do you believe me? Because I mean it… I love you, Spike."

"I believe you. I think I knew it before you said it… your eyes told me so." He said, not hiding his growing smile. He didn't care right then if he looked or sounded like a crazed lunatic, he was finally hearing what he always wanted to hear from the girl he loved.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he whispered, his smile had left his face but his eyes still twinkled. Running his hand down her cheek, he brushed the hair that got misplaced and placed it behind her ear again. He added, "I love you too Buffy."

Buffy leaned in and Spike bent his head as she gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"  
"Shall we dance then?" Buffy whispered.

"Luv, we're going to dance like we've never danced before." He said, pulling her even closer and leaned down to kiss her neck, the spot that he knew would made her weak in the knees and hungry for more.

"Wait… we can't. We only have an hour till Will's ready to—"

"An hour that needs not go to waste. An hour is an hour. And every second that ticks by is a second not feeling like this," he captured her lips again.

"Good…hmmm…point."

"Beautiful… A fucking goddess," he murmured. Spike ran his hand down her body till he reached her bellybutton; there, he let his hand rest on the soft bit of exposed flesh. _"this would be the first time since... but not even then."_ His mind raced on the very thought of what was to happen, and what had happened.

"Don't you even think about it."

"What?" he whispered, still caught up in his thoughts. He tensed, afraid that what just happened seconds earlier was a trick of his mind.

"I know what you're thinking about."

"Thinkin' what, luv?"

"Don't think about it," she placed her hand on his and guided him to the clasp of her slacks. "I want you to." Buffy knew that when he hesitated earlier he was thinking about the night that was filled with wrongs. She wanted to make sure he knew this was different.

He kissed her again.

Her slacks unclasped.

She could feel him breathe.

Pulling away from his lips to take in much needed air, "I nee… I need you… Spike."

He positioned himself in-between her open thighs.

"Say it again, Buffy."

"I love you."

Once Buffy and Spike's world came crashing down in a tumbling mess and right itself, Spike rolled them both over, crushing Buffy atop him.

"Wow, I think we just tipped the scales, and that's saying a lot given the past times were beyond great and practically untippable."

"Definitely, that was bloody fantastic. I think I'm ready to die a happy man now."

"Hey don't even think it pal. This is a sneak preview, remember?"

"Sorry pet, didn't mean... Don't you worry, love, I'm in this till the end."

"What's our time?"

"Oh God, it's been past an hour."

"Better get going then."

"Oh, do we have to? I just wanna bask in all this with you. I mean couldn't you just be all brave and vampirey and talk to the friendly Turok-Hans, and ask them if they could wait a couple more hours or a couple days even," she joked, already pulling her clothes on.

"Come on luv, love to but-- 'sides there will be plenty of time after."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Ready?"

"Ready."

Stepping out of the lounge hand in hand they walked toward the oncoming battlefield.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Say it again."

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you Spike," she said with a smile. Her smile widened at the sight of him looking so unbelievably happy and even more so because she meant it.

"Right then, now we can go."

-NN-

TBC...

**A/N(s):** Yes, I borrowed from the actual script to write parts of the flashbacks. Thanks to **buffyworld** for use of their transcripts. 


	8. Something Different

**Part 8: Something Different**

-NN-

"What's the word Faith?"

"All systems go, B."

"Good."

Buffy, Faith, Spike and the others walked forward to the edge of a cliff, where they could look out and see thousands upon thousands of Turok-Han below them on the floor of the hellmouth.

"I'm not worried." Buffy said more to herself than for the others around her.

The snarling Turok-Han army below took notice of them, and rushed towards the cliff where Buffy and the others were positioned.

"I'm not worried." Buffy said again, fearlessly this time.

The battle began.

"Buffy!" Spike called out from where he was standing.

"Spike!"

The amulet began to activate, and started to shoot out what looked like rays of sunshine, which started dusting Turok-Hans in every direction, till all were nowhere to be seen. The ground started to shake, the building started to collapse, and Faith and the others left as ordered.

Buffy rushed to Spike.

"I can feel it, Buffy."

"What?"

"My soul... It's really there…. kind of stings."

The amulet continued to shine, making Spike glow along with it.

"Go on, then."

"No. No, you've done enough. You could still—"

"No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup."

The walls continued to crumble around them.

"Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer."

"Spike!"

"Buffy, this isn't the best time to be stubborn. Now I mean it! I gotta do this." He put his right hand up to stop her from moving any closer, not wanting her to get hurt.

Buffy laced her fingers through Spike's. A burst of flame surrounded their joined hands.

"I love you." Buffy said simply looking into his eyes, and wasn't surprised to feel tears in her own.

A thousand images; messages of past moments, moments shared between the two of them were playing in his head, showing anything and everything they had gone through. And all he could see was Buffy's beautiful tear streaked face with eyes that held nothing but truth, telling him that she loved him and meant it. Then he realized Buffy's intentions. She was going to stay. But he knew that he couldn't let that happen, not after everything. He knew what he had to do to save his slayer, his girl, his love. "Look at me, Buffy."

"Spike…no, don't ask me to leave, you can't—"

"Buffy, listen…if what you said was true and I know it is, then you would do this for me. I need you too."

"I have to—"

"No, you don't." He knew what she was going to say, being Buffy, she would want to put all the weight on her shoulders, bear it all. But she's done enough, too much for this world.

Another earthquake rippled through causing Buffy to let go of his hand.

With everything he had left, he poured into the last two words Buffy will hear from him. "Now, go!"

Confused, as to why he wouldn't just let her try to do something, she looked at him, searched his eyes, searching for an answer, and that's when she knew. He was doing this because he loved her.

Another tremor shook the surface, telling her the next one would be the last. She tore her eyes away from Spike's and without looking back, she ran.

-NN-

-Wolfram & Hart, present-

"Giles tells me that it had something to do with when you got your soul." Buffy informed Spike.

Angel looked on, broody as always.

Xander, bored and thinking of how dull the office looks, leaned back.

Alex, totally amused with the one holding him, called out "teyeaeha" and laughed again, patting Spike's face.

"My soul?" Spike asked totally fascinated with what Buffy had just said.

-NN-

-Africa-

"You have endured the required trials." The demon said to him.

"Bloody right I have."

Slowly, painfully, Spike rolled onto his side and pushed himself up onto his knees. His face was swollen and bruised. More bruises, burns and other injuries covered his chest and arms and who knows where else. "So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves?"

"Very well." The demon replied, his eyes aglow.

Spike watched the demon nervously and anticipated what was to come.

"We will return..." The demon's hand reached out toward Spike's chest. "...your soul."

The hand touched his chest making it glow a fiery yellow-orange, his eyes flashed the same color. He threw back his head and screamed in pain.

-NN-

-Wolfram & Hart, present-

"Yeah, when you got your soul..." Buffy confirmed. "I'm guessing that wasn't the ONLY gift you won."

At his awed look, she continued, "After what we did– shared-- that last day in Sunnydale…" Buffy explained, "then the..." she smiled, "outcome, Alex, well it proves there is something different about you, doesn't it?

-NN-

TBC...

-NN-

**A/N(s):** Yes, I borrowed from the actual script to write parts of the flashbacks. Thanks to **buffyworld** for use of their transcripts.


	9. Pretty Soul

**Part 9: Pretty Soul**

-NN-

_No one I know, imagined we would make it  
But it only matters that we both believed_  
--Christina Aguilera, _We're A Miracle_

-NN-

"Wait just a minute! Are you saying that Spike not only got a soul but he's also able to get you pregnant?" Angel asked.

"As it turned out-- yeah." Buffy replied.

"I can't believe this."

"Well, I guess it must be." Spike said.

"Are you saying that you believe you, a vampire, can impregnate women? That's just not possible Spike."

"Are you implying otherwise? That Buffy would lie about something like this?" Spike asked, his voice was laced with malice, but he tried his best to hold his anger at bay. "I mean, can't you see what's in front of you, or is your sensational bloated ego in the way?" Spike inquired. "The proof is right here bouncing on my lap."

"But I thought he was Xander's."

"Mine?" Xander asked in surprise from his seat in the overstuffed chair near Buffy. "Why does everybody think that I'm the father? You just played audience to the whole 'I'm a father, we have a son' scene, featuring Spike, Buffy and their little bundle of joy."

"Yeah but…but I thought that since you weren't…" Angel glanced around the room and gave up, shrugging his shoulders, "I thought Spike was just trying to help her out, in that kind of…uhh…sense. Since maybe she needed… help. And you know how Spike gets, he's dramatic. I--"

"Dramatic, please, since when-- never mind. Why don't you just get it through that thick skull of yours and see for yourself?" He turned Alex in his lap so that Angel could get a better look. "Now tell me, does he look like Xander to you, or does he look like yours truly?" Spike raised an eyebrow and couldn't wipe the growing grin off his face.

"Hello? Still here." Buffy said, annoyed that they were talking as if she wasn't in the room. She felt the hand on her arm give a comforting squeeze. "And I thought I told you, I can take care of myself and Alex. You think I would go around telling people that Alex is their son for the fun of it?" Buffy said, looking at Angel. Her first thought was to be angry at him for thinking she would actually think of doing something like that. But the defeated look on his face just made her feel sorry for him. She opened her mouth to say something else, but couldn't think of what it was.

Spike gave Buffy's arm another squeeze when he saw a note of confusion wash over her features. "Something on your mind, Love?"

"It's nothing I guess. I just had a feeling… like I'm forgetting something."

Angel had taken notice of the baby's eyes for the first time that day and he was too stunned to say anything. _"How could I have missed that? It just can't be."_ His next thought was spoken out load. "This can't be normal."

"Since when do you bloody think that things are ever normal?"

"So… how is this possible?"

The question was in the air, and Spike was in the process of piecing it all together from what Buffy stated earlier. "Well like she says, or what Rupert thinks, I was able to ever since I got my shiny soul back. It makes sense. I asked the demon to make me what I was so Buffy can get what she deserves. She deserves much more."

Buffy was going to say something but before she could get the words out, Angel had already spoken, "And you? You think you deserve this?" Angel asked Spike, there was nothing hidden in the question, no anger, not even spite, just morbid curiosity.

Spike looked at Angel, if it had been any other day he would have scoffed at the question. But the way Angel said it, almost as if he was already defeated; he knew it was asked merely out of interest. Spike leveled with him, not really knowing the answer himself, he considered the question carefully.

A few moments passed and Xander who was also curious as to whether Spike would answer the question or not, sat up and studied the vampire's movements. He wasn't really surprised to see how he handled Will so carefully. He almost expected it. He had to admit, he had misjudged the vampire numerous of times. And during the time he had thought Spike was gone, he regretted what he did to him. He decided to wipe the slate clean. When he heard Spike clear his throat he leaned back in his chair but kept his attention on Spike.

"Don't really know. Maybe I don't deserve all of it. Any of it." looking down at Alex, then at Buffy. "Hell I thought I was already just playing my odds when Buffy forgave…look, it's none of your business, that." He looked at Angel. And Spike had tensed up at the thought of what led him to go to Africa in the first place, but when he felt Buffy's hand slide into his own, he continued. "What I do know, I wanted it enough. I sought it out. Went though the trials. Would have done more… anything… whatever I needed to get back… what I lost. In the end I got it fair. Somebody out there thought I-- we deserve it, that's all that matters."

"What about that plan of yours? Does she know about it?" Angel asked. "Because I think Buffy aught to know the details, don't you? Why don't you tell her why you didn't want to see her?"

Buffy, who was leaning into Spike and feeling comfortable with his arm around her, sat up straight, and looked at Spike questioningly, "Yeah, why did you run?"

-NN-

TBC... 


	10. After Office Hours

**Part 10: After Office Hours**

-NN-

_Mountains move and oceans part  
When they are standing in our way_  
--Christina Aguilera, _We're A Miracle_

"Yeah, why did you run?"

Spike's eyes widened at Buffy's questioning gaze, and then narrowed in on the demon that had outed him. Then looking at Buffy again, "you have to let me explain, Pet, it's not what you or what _he_ thinks."

"Then tell me what I'm not thinking then."

"I didn't want you to know I was back yet. You see… like I told you earlier I had this idea in my head. When I return to you, I wanted to not just be there for you… but BE there for you."

Buffy settled back into his side but kept her eyes on his. She knew what he said was the truth. She believed him earlier. But for Angel, or anyone, who would try and change her mind about Spike, she wanted them to know that her feelings for him were set in stone. "You're wrong then," Buffy said flatly, but before Spike could interrupt, she finished her sentence, "that was exactly what I was thinking. And you are lucky that you're damned sexy when you say things like that to me." She grinned.

"Wait." Angel interrupted. "That's not what you told me. You told me you didn't want her to know because you wanted to move on, you couldn't face her after what happened in Sunnydale. You wanted her to THINK you were still gone. You wanted a job so you can get some extra cash, and move somewhere where she wasn't."

"Yeah, that's what I told you so you would help me out by waving your high and mighty CEO hand and get me a job, you nit. You prolly wouldn't have helped, otherwise."

"You're working now?" Buffy asked.

"Woah-- did you just say work? If you did, then I'm all ears." Xander asked, amused..

"You're looking at the Head of Security and a free-lancer to many-- if not all-- of the people we try to help and the cases that the Angelettes here try to solve. But have no worries, in my free time I still do a little extra crime fighting, you know helpin' the helpless and all that." Spike beamed, proud of himself.

"Wow. Do you get to wear one of those uniforms too?" Buffy asked, smiling at him.

Spike grinned, knowingly, at her in reply.

Angel and his earlier summation, was clearly forgotten.

"Hey, do you think you can hook me up with a tazer gun or something?" Xander asked. "Mine's dust, along with the rest of my cool James Bond gadgets."

"Sure mate, anythin' you want."

"Really? Cool."

"Hmm…wait!" Buffy sat upright again, remembering what it was she had forgotten earlier.

"What? What is it?" Spike asked.

"Xander, can you pass me my purse?"

"Sure," he said, handing it to her.

Buffy pulled out the cream envelope that she had with her.

Spike's eyes widened as he saw what it was. _"Oh."_

"It's a Wolfram & Hart envelope, but the checks are signed W.H." Buffy stated. "It was weird but I didn't think anything of it. I just thought the initials stood for Wolfram & Hart. I had thought Angel sent-- but W.H., is that you?"

"I… I didn't have use for it. I…"

Buffy didn't need to hear an explanation from him. She just threw her arms around him and whispered, "thanks." It was different for her if the money came from him. His intentions were different than what Angel's would have been.

"So, what is your last name anyway?" Xander asked.

"Howell."

Angel plopped down in the other overstuffed chair that faced the sofa and sighed, _"You have got to be kidding me,"_ he thought. Then he looked at his watch, "Look its getting late, it's nearly ten," he said. _"Has it only been hours ago when Buffy walked into my office? It feels like ages since,"_ his mind added.

"Actually, it still feels like day for me. You know, because the time diff." Xander said.

"Yeah, same here, is it really night already? Because it feels like only minutes ago I got here." Upon looking at Alex, who had recently fallen asleep in the crook of Spike's arm, she added, "maybe we should get a room though…" She took a moment to watch Spike who was absentmindedly stroking Alex's light brown hair. _"Hmmm… when his hair grows out will it be curly like Spike's?"_ She smiled at the thought. Then, turning to Xander, she asked: "did you have time to get us a room?"

"Not yet, but we better go now if we want to get a vacancy."

"You don't have to do that. I got extra rooms." Angel supplied.

"Or you can all stay at my place."

"You have a place?"

"Oh yeah, had one for awhile now," Spike said proudly, as he stood up and kept Alex close to him. "It's nothing much you know, I mean… I'm not much into the whole posh thing that Angel has going on," Spike added, shuffling a bit. "But it's… uh… warm and all that."

"Xander, what do you think? I say it's a must see," Buffy said, as she took Spike's proffered hand to help her up.

"I'm in. I'm sure he has some kind of cable hooked up. And besides I have to make a couple long distance phone calls. Thanks in advance Spike," Xander smirked at the vampire and then casually stood up while gathering the car seat and diaper bag.

Buffy looked at Spike holding their son and smiled. _"I guess I got my normal life after all,"_ she thought.

As if reading her mind, Spike countered, "Love, what's so great 'bout normal? Never being normal is what brought us here."

-NN-

_All my life, I felt incomplete  
But you turned my soul, with your love so sweetly  
You hear my thoughts, you read my mind  
You're the part of me, I thought I'd never find_  
--Christina Aguilera, _We're A Miracle_

-NN-

FIN!!!

Written: March 1-19, 2004

-NN- 


End file.
